


Breaking Down

by WulfKry



Series: Cold, Unbearable Cold [2]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Hearing Voices, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Self Harm, Tom fucks up, but don't blame him, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:54:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8196722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WulfKry/pseuds/WulfKry
Summary: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
5 times Tord rubbed his right thigh
Tom counts out loud, the Norwegian hears him counting and begins to worry.
"Tom?"





	

**Author's Note:**

> GEUSS WHAT FUCKOS
> 
> IM HEAR TO HIT YOU IN THE FEELS

 

Edd wasn't happy, at all. Though Tom can't blame him. First Edd was mad about Tord, who he thankfully forgave- but then Tord mentioned the scars and March 16, 2018.

Edd was displeased and very worried to say the least. He was mad Tom didn't go to him about his troubles, which he could understand. He was worried that far off the deep end. It seemed Edd had been suspicious.

Matt was just very confused. Considering his circumstance it's kind of expected. After explaining that yes this is the man the blew up our house, and no he's not here to punch you again. Matt seemed he couldn't care less.

Things seemed to be looking up.

 

\--

 

Addiction is a strong thing.

Tom thought that with the warmth Tord brought with him he wouldn't ever think about drinking again, he didn't need it to be warm anymore. Until he realized that he was scared of being drunk now. Of not thinking at all- not thinking things through, letting his emotions run wild.

Afraid.

That wasn't good, it made he count things and it made him cold and his first thought was "drink until you're warm again" which made him even more afraid- even more cold.

Tom thought all his problems would be fixed with that firework of a kiss with Tord but, apparently not.

 

\--

 

Tom did end up trying to drink again. The entire time he was scared and cold and counting but he felt this horrible urge filled him until he finally put the neck of a wine bottle to his lips and let the flood go.

He didn't think, didn't think things through- didn't remember.

He woke up with fresh cuts on his thighs, just like he preferred it.

He was afraid.

 

\--

 

Tom made the stupid decision to not tell Edd, or Matt. Even Tord.

He thought he could fight this on his own. He thought he was getting better. Every time he had the urge he held back longer and longer.

But then something would happen.

He'd wake up freezing and counting and needing the comforting warmth of being tipsy.

He would drink until he couldn't think- until he was warm and pressing the knife back into his skin.

Rinse and repeat.

 

\--

 

Sometimes he'd think about telling Tord. He'd grow cold and he'd count but he'd refuse to drink because drinking led to bad things.

However as soon as he'd get to telling the Norwegian he'd freeze up. Cold as ice and scared as hell. Holding back from counting he'd simply say I love you instead.

He'd drink later on in the night every time. When Tord was asleep and couldn't save him from not thinking

 

\--

 

He was stupid. He really was. It's not like he didn't expect Tord to find out. He'd just planned it differently.

Tom liked to cuddle Tord a lot. It was a comfort. Warm and safe and not counting. It kept the cold at bay. But then Tord liked to rub his thighs. Which is where he preferred to press the knife.

Tom would grow cold dispute how close to Tord he was- afraid Tord would find out, afraid he'd whimper in pain as Tord rubbed his thighs.

Being afraid made him nervous. Which made him count and this time he couldn't stop himself in time.

 

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

5 times Tord rubbed his right thigh.

 

Tom counts out loud, The Norwegian hears him and begins to worry.

"Tom?"

That's concern in his voice- maybe a hint of fear. Tom hasn't counted aloud in a while. Not since before Tord and him first kissed.

Tom wonders if Tord gets cold when he fears, or maybe that's just how Tom is. Like how he counts when he's nervous.

"Tom? Honey"

Tord repeats himself, brings his hand to rub Toms arm.

3 rubs of his thumb and Tord shakes him. Tom stops counting and looks to his face.

There's concern- fear. He made Tord afraid. But of what?

_'Of you'_

His mind tries to tell him, his own eyes widen and he feels absolutely freezing. He needs a drink- alcohol- wine- somethi-

"Tom"

Tord's voice is strong, clear and calm against the rushing static of Tom's mind. His thoughts halt and he stops counting.

He hadn't realized he looked away from Tord's face, so he glances back. Tom grows colder- pure love, concern and worry paint his lovers features.

"Are you alright?"

It's a simple question- he could easily lie his way through but instead, he sits frozen in every sense of the word.

"I don't know"

 

\--

 

Tom counts a lot nowadays. He's counting his own breaths, the steps he takes, how many times Tord squeezes his hand.

He doesn't leave Tom alone much now. Tom hasn't had a chance to drink- he's afraid to ask for some in front of Tord. His counting isn't a quiet whisper like it had been, it's almost as if he's talking to someone now.

Tom's cold almost all the time now. Just like before, when he thought he killed Tord- when he drank and he cut deeper when he almost-

Tom stops counting, stops thinking.

He needs alcohol. Wine, Smirnoff, anything.

 

"No"

 

He's surprised- hadn't known he was speaking- a questioning noise escapes his mouth as he looks towards the speaker. It's Edd.

'When did he get here?'

_'You didn't even notice him Tom, that rude'_

Tom's eyes widen again. That was rude of him. Edd's his friend how can he not notice him coming into the room.

 

"I'm sorry"

 

It's small, weak. He's apologizing and no one knows why. Tom's colder now. He shuffles closer to Tord, to the warmth he brings.

 

"Why are you apologizing?"

 

It's Matt who voices the question. He was here too, he hadn't even notice.

_'Rude, rude, rude, Your so mean to your friends Tom'_

 

"I'm sorry"

 

He repeats. Tord's gaze shifts from Tom to Edd. Both thinking the same thing.

Something's wrong.

 

\--

 

Tom's quiet. He doesn't speak unless he's counting or to apologize, never looks at the others and when he does it's almost like he doesn't know they're even there.

Tord is beyond worried, never leaving the Brits side. Tom doesn't ever get up anymore- doesn't eat or drink on his own. He does sometimes ask for a drink. When asked what he wants he'll say Smirnoff. Or wine. Anything alcoholic really.

When he's told no again he clams up- say he's sorry and starts counting.

Tord doesn't now what to do and Edd fears this is out of their control.

 

\--

 

_'Stop ignoring your friends Tom'_

_'Stop ignoring your boyfriend, you love him don't you'_

_'Get a drink, alcohol, you need it'_

_'Your such a fuck up say your sorry to them'_

 

Tord picks up Tom, tries to get his attention but all he gets is counting. He waves a hand in front of his eyes.

No response.

He sighs and carries Tom to the car, sits himself down and holds onto Tom.

Edd drives the vehicle. There's no noise beside the soft sound of the radio and Tom's counting.

 

\--

 

They reach their destination, pulling up Edd turns to Tord. He says something but it's just static to Tom's ears. Tord gets out the car, Tom in tow, and walks them into the building.

Tom counts the lights on the ceiling.

Tord enters a room with soft coloured walls. Waits until Dr. Mathony welcomes them in to sit.

 

"Why are you hear, Tord?"

 

Tord's hesitant to answer, looking down at the blue hooded man who counts the books on a not so far bookshelf.

 

"It's about him."

 

He gestures to the Brit in his arms, Dr. Mathony walks closer and examines Tom, eyes flitting from the glazed over expression to the hoodie he wears.

 

"When did this start?"

 

Tord is still hesitant to answer, though not because he doesn't remember, but because he's not sure if he should.

 

"August 18th, this year."

"Why did you not come sooner?"

"He's had episodes like this before they just, never lasted this long."

"Still, it's late November, did you not think he was in a horrible state for nearly 3 months?"

 

Tord breaths, hugs Tom tighter. Tom looks in Tord's direction, count the tears falling down his face.

 

1, 2, 3.

 

"Of course not! We just hoped he would respond eventually, but now this is all he does and we're scared."

 

_'He's scared'_

_'Scared of you'_

_'Why do you have to be like this'_

 

Tom starts crying.

1, 2, 3, 4.

He's lost count. Lost count not good he's l _ost count no no nononono-_

 

"I'm sorry"

 

Tom starts sobbing into Tord's shoulder, not even noticing the other man in the room. Only crying and apologizing over and over.

Dr. Mathony watches the scene, waits for the alcoholic to calm down.

He and Tord speak more- the doctor throwing around terms and illnesses, medicines for those illnesses. Tord nods along, passively petting Tom's hair and rubbing his thigh.

Tord leaves, Tom in tow- counting away the steps he takes to the car. He's got a slip in his hand, gives it to Edd as he enters the car.

The red van drives away from the soft brown building.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi yes, it is I, author here to tell you fuCK YOUR FEELIGS IM CRYING AND NOW YOUR CRYING
> 
> my tumblr is @  
> Rock-candy-and-stratus-clouds.tumblr.com if you wanna send in some Fic requests


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